To all:
My decision to go into Nursing and get a second degree is based on the fact it is where God wants me to be. In a fabulous book, “The Purpose Driven Life”, the author talks about God’s purpose for us. It also explains what we can do for the body of Christ, including for other Christians and humankind. Well my purpose is to be a Nurse and to help people that are sick, with little hope, scared, and many times with no one or few people to support them. Because, I have been there or felt like I have been there more than I would like to think. I work as a Certified Nursing Assistant at Penrose St. Francis. It gives me so much inspiration to walk in a room of patients and to brighten their day and to know that I have made some small difference in their lives, in terms of their health, hygiene or mental outlook on the road to recovery or decline and that someone is out there who truly cares about what they are going through. It has taken me many years to figure this out.
In the past 20 years I did not value much, I was happy go lucky, spending money frivolously, not thinking of the future, addicted to the world, the materialistic things that it had to offer and trying to impress people (friends, family, bosses, significant others) to boost my own fragile ego and to be accepted by others. In this process I kept getting hit on the head over and over from the mistakes I was making, but I still did not make the changes that were required to be whole. You do not know my story, I had everything, software carrier money, beautiful wife it all and working at Microsoft. 1st I lost my carrier, and then a few years later I lost my wife and son Benjamin. When we split up they moved to Hawaii, and I stayed in Colorado pursuing my Nursing Degree. I loved my wife Raeme more than any other women in the world and even more then that, I loved my son Benjamin.
That is when it really hit me that all that matters is friends, family, people and the interconnectedness with one another, the bottom line is love for others and God is really the only true thing we have. All the other stuff we can put it in the garbage can. When I or someone else dies, what do we want people to say about us, well they had a great car or house or they were a lot of fun to be around, no we want them to say good things about us and our character. Also, after my losses, the only thing that saved me, or is still saving me from the grave is God, and that love and the interconnectedness of us all and the relationships are the only things that matter in reality and to serve others as Christ served us.
Also, I know what my future will be:
· Finish school at Hawaii Pacific University while working as a Certified Nursing Assistant, taking two years (four semesters). So that I will not only finish my goal of being a Nurse, but I will see my son more than once per year for two weeks.
· Eventually be a nurse in a hospital where I can help patients that are sick, suffering from disease processes, in pain, scared, hurting, lonely, by providing them comfort with love in healing environment with the dignity that they deserve.
· Being a father to my son “Benjamin”. Actively taking a role in his life, not from 3,500 miles away, but initially from Oahu, and then eventually after I finish school from the Big Island.
· Also, in being a father I will be in his life, setting an example for him by deeds, listening to him, playing with him, teaching him, interacting with him, letting him know that he is loved, and just plain spending time with him.
· Also, I will work a volunteer, outside of work, through spiritual based services to help individuals attain mental, spiritual, and financial assistance so that they can improve their lives mentally, physically and educationally, so they can in turn help others.
I have two years left at Hawaii Pacific University. I have through Loans, some grants, and scholarships attained enough money to pay for tuition and books, which is roughly $18,000 per year. When I am in clinicals full-time, over the next two years, I will only be able to work 1/2 time during the school year. Therefore, I will only be able to pay for my living expenses (food, clothing, child support, insurance and gas).
What I lack are the funds to pay for rent, which is about $7,500.00 per year. I am not asking for someone to write a check for me, but if everyone just pitched in a little it would start me towards that goal. I am still trying to get some scholarships, Church charity and additional Federal grants that may apply, but I will realistically only go there with about $2,000.00 in my pocket . I believe with God’s help I will get my housing paid for. I have spent 100s of man-hours looking for extra funds in terms of scholarships and grants to get be through and they are few and far between for 43-year-old non-traditional students. There is more money out there for younger adults coming out of high school, for minorities and woman.
As you can tell , I have not been having a great time these last few years. I have been working full-time, paying child support and going to school and maintaining a 3.89 GPA. It has been difficult to say the least. Also, it is not easy to ask for help when for years I have taken care of myself. You would be helping someone who is trying to help himself, who is doing the best he can do given the situation. Some people would say stay in Colorado and finish school there, I will emotionally die here away from my son, I just cannot do it anymore it is killing me being away from him. Any of you that have children would agree that it is a horrible situation to say the least.
A lot is on the line and it is not like the money is being thrown away. I am very focused and determined, and I will not squander it. What is driving me now is the love for my son and the desire to get through Nursing School as soon as possible. I am really trying here, and I need a small amount of help me pay for rent while I go to school or this can be applied to school while the excess loan is applied to rent. Also, it would be different, not to help if I was goofing off and getting bad grades, I was just invited to join the National Honor Society and there is a small chance I will get a scholarship out of it. But, virtually no money out there for non-traditional students over forty trying to retool themselves after being economically displaced out of their industry. I love what I do, it is difficult work, but I love to help others, I am a natural at it.
If you could help, it would ease my education in Hawaii and would ensure that I do not fall on my face and allow me ability to concentrate on school and not overwhelming financial issues. Please consider my request, this means the world to me to be closer to my son and finish school. I would not ask if I did not rule out other options, and NOT going is not an option, I must get closer to my son. I cannot be away from him any longer it is killing me. My son Benjamin asked me yesterday on the phone “Daddy when are you coming home to play with me, and I said this summer Mr. Bunny, a promise is a promise” that’s Ben’s nickname “Mr. Bunny”.
Thank you so much for your consideration.
--Benjamin
